Fifty-Five Pure Gem Screenshots

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FightMilk22
Dec 5, 2019 2:08 PM EST

This is what people are saying online. 

And not just that, there are Forty-Four more things besides these.

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  • 01
    Text - lan Davis @lanDDavis Buying can of compressed air, Cashier: "You know we can only sell 6 at a time because people get high with them" Me: "5 more please" 9:27 PM 23 Oct 17 Twitter for iPhone
    via www.reddit.com
  • 02
    Text - Daniel Shipwreck @daniel_swensen If you suffered in life and want other people to suffer as you did because "you turned out fine," you did not in fact turn out fine.
    via www.reddit.com
  • 03
    Text - Joe Young @JoeYoungComedy Isaw a car with an anti-vax bumper sticker speed thru a school zone and it was the most on brand thing ever. 4:17 PM 9/16/19 Twitter for iPhone
    via www.reddit.com
  • 04
    Text - Luke Hannon @lukehannontv It's 3am and I'm in bed with my gf lying next to me, the only light on in the room is my phone cuz I'm looking at memes. My girlfriend leans over and kisses me and I start to laugh. She asks why and I say, "we're kissing in the memelight" now she's mad at me.
    via www.reddit.com
  • 05
    Text - Fabian @classicalfuck The fact that "20 years ago" is gonna mean 2000 is troubling me
    via www.reddit.com
  • 06
    Yellow - "we was kings, young blood" JURASSKC PARK
    via www.reddit.com
  • 07
    Text - I was in hot topic and this guy RAWR'd at my gf. I bit my lip ring so he knew what was up and he bit his snake bites. I got closer and bit my lip ring again He hissed and retreated to the band tee isle. My gf bit her hoodie sleeve and meow'd. It appears have won this battle. derin_akkaya When I see stuff like this sometimes I think a nuclear apocalypse wouldn't be so bad
    via www.reddit.com
  • 08
    Text - Hillary Litberg @Hillary Litberg i'm at that age where people from high school are starting to get married but not like everyone just the republicans
    via www.reddit.com
  • 09
    Text - @crushingonchris Nov 27 Buggs . When you doing 80 on the 65 and a nigga pass you Astaysheia @Taya_qveen Nov 26 Sco Pa Tu Manaa L 2.1K 7.3K 21 Doki Doki @jus_tamon Replying to @crushingonchris Not just pass you, they FLY by like you the one creeping down the road! 8:24 AM Nov 28, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
    via www.reddit.com
  • 10
    Text - Keep Calm and Carrion @JackOfQuills how did "the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog" become the typical sentence that contains all letters of the alphabet and not "sphinx of black quartz, judge my vow" which is objectively a million times cooler 11:41 PM 11 Apr 18
    via www.reddit.com
  • 11
    Text - Levi Garrett @jlevigarrett One thing I am not is the crazy thermostat dad. If it's hot, turn that sucker down. What's that? It's cold? Bump that bad boy up One thing we will not have in THIS HOUSE is temperature related uncomfortableness. I will make everyone uncomfortable through other means.
    via www.reddit.com
  • 12
    Text - april @AprilArson if i had a dick i would definitely have tried to see how many donutsi can stack on that bad boy by now 11:18 PM 28/11/19 Twitter for iPhone 22.2K Retweets 147K Likes
    via www.reddit.com
  • 13
    Text - Dana Schwartz @DanaSchwartzzz Kids putting their teeth under their pillows is the most occultist shit in the world. Yes, child, put the discarded bone under your pillow. if you are lucky the tiny demon will come and make her purchase. Sell your bones for riches, my child, your youth will be spent soon.
    via www.reddit.com
  • 14
    Residential area - Dri @DriMariaa "We come from poverty, man we ain't had a thing" 17:17 23/11/2019 from Stafford, VA Twitter for iPhone 4,519 Retweets 13.3K Likes
    via www.reddit.com
  • 15
    Text - Alexis Isabel @lexi4prez everyone google search "actor" and count how many men come up before one fucking woman holy shit hahahaha 8/14/15, 12:26 AM eee-in well maybe if you typed the word 'actress" you fucking idiot
    via www.reddit.com
  • 16
    Text - des @thatsonly dessy also Take HIM out to eat Spoil HIM Motivate HIM Build with HIM Make HIM feel special Shaq Rubin @RubinShaq 3d Take HER out to eat .Spoil HER Motivate HER Build with HER Make HER feel special 2:00 PM 11/26/19 Twitter for iPhone 12.7K Retweets 34.7K Likes
    via www.reddit.com
  • 17
    Text - Gwen Thomas @gwenthomas33 ketchup pre-cum exists and you al know what I'm talking about
    via www.reddit.com
  • 18
    Nose - Girls Dem Splenda @Altitude268 Yall eat McDonalds everyday and the only exercise yall do is sex.... on your back Hagar @Hagarrgamal 4d Jennifer Lopez at her 50 years vs me at 19 years old. GUES 14:44 28 Nov 19 Twitter for Android 20.5K Retweets 93.8K Likes
    via www.reddit.com
  • 19
    Bird - Blind bisexual goose named Thomas who spent six years in a love triangle with two swans and helped raise 68 babies dies at the ripe old age of 40 By Nic White For Daily Mail Australia 05:26 08 Feb 2018, updated 12:23 08 Feb 2018
    via www.reddit.com
  • 20
    Text - Kelen Keller @KelenKeller38 Guys in big trucks only tailgate you aggressively because they're in a rush to get home and kiss their dad on the lips
    via www.reddit.com
  • 21
    Text - Sandra Newman @sannewman THE SEVEN SECRETS OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE 1. Private school 2. Legacy Ivy admission 3. Nepotism hire 4. Seed capital from family 5. Club memberships 6. Personal assistant, nanny, ghost writer 7. Journalists who ask, "What's your secret?" and uncritically publish the answer 1:40 PM 26 Nov 19 Twitter Web App
    via www.reddit.com
  • 22
    Text - PrinceDonnell @PrinceDonnellL PSA: Men get tired of dating broke, needy, and uneducated women too. Know your worth king. She's supposed to be your co-founder, not your employee 7:24 PM 12/2/19 Twitter for iPhone
    via www.reddit.com
  • 23
    Text - s of T DADDy DOM @ayobrody some girl messaged me saying that i post too much and i'm ugly. i did a lil research and found out she works at this spa an hour away from me so i made an apt and asked for her specifically. needless to say she's waxing my butthole on monday
    via www.reddit.com
  • 24
    Text - my name is no. @om_eye_goodness last year, i went on a date with a dude and when i told him i was reading Animal Farm again, he laughed obnoxiously for an entire minute and said i was too old to be reading children's books. i think about that a lot. ...i wonder if he's still an idiot.
    via www.reddit.com
  • 25
    Text - Lil Booties matter @MissLoKayy I don't want my parents to know that I can cook. The shame is easier than the work. They'll make me cook for thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Sunday dinners. I'm ok >
    via www.reddit.com
  • 26
    Text - ЭО argh mY FUCKING HOT POCKET NUTTED candyredterezii МE molsno dani have u perhaps considered never using that exact phrasing again candyredterezii Look man my hot pocket dump ed it's load onto me what the fuck else am I suppose to phrase it as you ignorant cockmunch molsno "well shoot, some of the sauce from my Hot PocketTM spilled onto me. I suppose l'll head over to the faucet and wash the sauce off my hands. perhaps a change of clothing is in order, as well. drat, this really ruined m
    via www.reddit.com
  • 27
    Text - mr whelming @ZOverwhelming if i walk into a girls house and she got like 50 plants i know shes a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless fuucks whats one more 8:31 PM 26 Nov 19 Twitter for iPhone
    via www.reddit.com
  • 28
    Text - sophie @pixievalkyrie i don't associate with people who think they're too good for canned ravioli
    via www.reddit.com
  • 29
    Text - Chaplain House of Evangelista @solomonmissouri I'm 38 years into eating chicken... It hits every time Ron Good @VRG3 1d Having sex with one person for your whole life is like eating the same one type of food for your whole life.
    via www.reddit.com
  • 30
    Text - Noel Miller @thenoelmiller y'all sayin "ok boomer" like you don't smoke 4 juul packs a day. U and grandma gona have matching neck holes
    via www.reddit.com
  • 31
    Text - Andy Matthews @stupidoldandy Oh, so when other ppl call their pets "fur baby" its fine but when I call a kid "skin dog" somehow I'm "disgusting" and "the worst pediatrician in this hospital"??
    via www.reddit.com
  • 32
    Text - mr whelming @ZOverwhelming if i walk into a girls house and she got like 50 plants i know shes a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless fucks whats one more 8:31 PM 26 Nov 19 Twitter for iPhone
    via www.reddit.com
  • 33
    Text - Sibusiso Biyela @AstroSibs Nothing can stop a bad guy with a gun better than a good gran with these two guns @News24 17h News24 news An 82-year-old US female bodybuilder sent an unlucky home invader to hospital ow.ly/VEcz50xlbfW 12:24 27 Nov 19 Twitter for Android
    via www.reddit.com
  • 34
    Gun - Imagine breaking into my house and hearing honk honk before getting smoked
    via www.reddit.com
  • 35
    Text - Daphne L Portis @MissLynneNYC Getting this off my chest. WTF is with the "children lunch debt" bullshit!!??? Prisoners get 3 HOT meals per day, and we can't give a kid a HOT lunch??? Schools even embarrass them by taking their hot lunch away and giving thema sandwich. STOP THIS SHIT!
    via www.reddit.com
  • 36
    Text - Wot A man was found dead last nignt in our town's amphitheatre. The news reported him as a "Man that loved to cycle, and was without a home the last few days of his life. But there was no signs of foul play" Can we please stop with these euphemisms and say it how it is? Wot A human being froze to death in the richest country in the world, because he had nowhere warm to sleep on a freezing cold night in Oregon. Maybe if we started saying it like that more people would actually be upset.
    via www.reddit.com
  • 37
    Text - Kate Leth@kateleth 57m Recipe websites are the bane of the internet 11 112 174 Kate Leth @kateleth I get why people buy cookbooks. They don't make me scroll past 1500 words about how "even hubby will eat this" (get a divorce) and 30 pop up ads just to find out some housewife in Minnesota wants me to rub mayonnaise on a turkey 1:11 PM 28 Nov 19 Twitter for iPhone 46 Retweets 364 Likes
    via www.reddit.com
  • 38
    Text - NG 19 Nov at 18:17. Does anyone else look in the fridge for a snack only to find you have no snack-worthy snacks so then you lower your snackspectations and eat like a single slice of cheese and a random grape.
    via www.reddit.com
  • 39
    Text - izzy saeko @izzysaeko Nezuko isn't white. Hinata isn't white. Ochako isn't white. None of y'all faves are white. So if my black ass can't be black and cosplay, you not canon either. Like nobody tell y'all ur too pale for a character. Go cosplay some toilet paper so I can wipe my ass with you.
    via www.reddit.com
  • 40
    Text - Lord Hugh Mungus @PoodleSnarf Interviewer: And do you have any experience as a carpenter? Me, sweating nervously: YES I SPEND ALL OF MY FREE TIME CARPENTING I'M VERY CARPENTROUS Interviewer: Me: I HAD FOUR RED BULLS BEFORE I CAME HERE IS THERE A BATHROOM I COULD BUILD?
    via www.reddit.com
  • 41
    Text - John from HR @john_from_hr The grape they did surgery on is addicted to painkillers now. Wake up America. 9:36 AM 27 Nov 19 Twitter for iPhone
    via www.reddit.com
  • 42
    Text - t Professional Pro Retweeted Jerryd Sayless @EasyStreetKeys Pro athletes should go to regular ppl jobs and boo the fuck out of them. Like "booo00 you bagging groceries slow as fuck you fucking bum!" 7:44 30 Nov 19 Twitter for iPhone 3,817 Retweets 15.4K Likes
    via www.reddit.com
  • 43
    Text - harvard graduate @heelyfan... 14 Nov inventor of planes: what should we name the place the pilots sit guy: dick trench inventor: what the fuck guy: weaner hole inventor: what is wrong with y- guy: cock pit inventor: ok that is fucking perfect t 1,734 15 16.6K
    via www.reddit.com
  • 44
    Text - Ira Madison II @ira it's time to share my story. one day i saw baby yoda in the mall and i asked for a selfie and he said "i don't take selfies with fags, homo sex is sin" and broke my iPhone X. i couldn't stop crying i'm so ashamed. 2:02 PM Dec 1, 2019 from Los Angeles, CA Twitter for iPhone 229 Retweets 5.1K Likes
    via www.reddit.com
  • 45
    Text - Dropped Mike @rebrafsim Me: do you think he called himself T.S. Eliot so nobody would notice that T. Eliot is toilet backwards? Librarian: stop talking 10:38 AM 27 Nov 19 Twitter for iPhone
    via www.reddit.com
  • 46
    Text - MoorInfo @Moorinformation The oldest living American, New York's Alelia Murphy has died at 114 Palate Architect @ginandtectonica A black person living this long this stressful America deserves celebration.
    via www.reddit.com
  • 47
    Text - The Volatile Mermaid VOTE @OhNoSheTwitnt Just so we're all clear since there's a lot of disagreement about birth years: Boomer Anyone older than you that you don't like Millennial Anyone younger than you that you don't like
    via www.reddit.com
  • 48
    Text - Queen praises Polish hero chef who tackled terrorist with a narwhal tusk November 30, 2019
    via www.reddit.com
  • 49
    Text - Thread c ers e CITTE if someone you know is getting deeply into making bread from scratch they are deeply depressed I promise you 11:18 PM 11/25/19 Twitter for iPhone 19.2K Retweets 170K Likes
    via www.reddit.com
  • 50
    Text - PolterGyver @TheAndrewNadeau Millennials, quit whining. I paid off $150,000 in student loans and own $400,000 home, because I SAVE. It's not that hard. I -Make coffee at home -Bus instead of Uber -Shop sales -Had parents pay off my loans & buy me a house because I'm daddy's special boy -Got Hulu with ads 3:04 PM 10/21/19 Twitter for iPhone
    via www.reddit.com
  • 51
    Text - Funk doctor @FU TangClan When my wife (who's shy af) first met my extended family we had a big dinner with about 14 people. At the end of the meal I said "to say thanks she'd love to sing for you all". Everyone went silent and stared at her and she still hasn't forgiven me 9 years later 15:58 29/11/2019 Twitter for iPhone
    via www.reddit.com
  • 52
    Text - hannah @hannahfallshand NDIANA going to school inbetween thanksgiving and christmas break feels like the last lap in mario kart where the music is all fast and gets really stressful
    via www.reddit.com
  • 53
    Text - NEWS&ADVICE Mexico flight has to turn back over volcanic eruption but horses onboard means it can't land
    via www.reddit.com
  • 54
    Text - There are approximately I,010,300 Words in the English Language, but l could never string enough words together to properly express how much 1 want to hit you with a chair. Alexander Hamilton, to Thomas Jefferson
    via www.reddit.com
  • 55
    Text - Ben Rosen @ben_rosen UNCLE: I say this every year but- ME: not this again MOM: we're NOT talking politics this thanksgiving UNCLE: without luigi there is no waluigi, therefore he is responsible for waluigi's many sins ME: ARE YOU SAYING WALUIGI HAS NO FREE WILL UNCLE: I SAID WHAT I FUCKING SAID
    via www.reddit.com

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